| Focus October 1, 2002
Nothing Serious About This...
Although the name of this site
implies "serious" fitness issues, I’m going to stray away from the obvious
for the time being. There are many "serious" topics about the sport that need to
be addressed, and there will be many other opportunities to address them. But in the
meantime it’s all fun and games from this point on.
As I write this, it is exactly one week away from the
Manitoba Provincial competition that I'm training for. I have spent the better part of the
night reflecting on some of the stupid things I have said or done while dieting for this
and previous competitions. Needless to say, I have many stories -- but I’ve managed
to narrow then down to the dumbest of the dumb.
Without further ado, I proudly present: The five stupidest
things I have said or done under the influence of a low-carb diet. Enjoy!
Started crying in the middle of the grocery store: I’m
confident I am not alone on this one. Everyone tends to get a touch emotional while
dieting. In this case it just happened at the grocery store, and over what? Food! I had
spent the day running errands and was behind on my meals. I stopped at the grocery store
to pick up yams, which I couldn’t find. I politely asked the produce boy if he could
check in the back room. He assured me they were out of yams and went about his business. I
stood there for a second and literally started to cry in the middle of the vegetable
aisle. The produce boy saw me and said he would go check if I really wanted. I
tried to pretend I had something in my eye and left the store (obviously without my yams).
Flash Dance: No, I didn’t actually flash anyone
-- well, not exactly. I was at the gym and had just picked up my bikini for any upcoming
show and wanted to show it off. I pulled it out of my bag to show a friend and guess what
came flying out with it? One of my life-like gel inserts. (They look like a real boob
complete with a nipple.) It went sliding across the gym floor in plain view so everyone
could see it. I casually walked over, picked it up, and slid it back into my bag. Oh
well… I guess my secret is out -- I obviously don’t have implants!
Quit a job -- on the spot: I was working as a
television reporter for a community station. The company had recently been bought out by
another media giant and morale was very low. Add to that the fact that I was only a few
weeks out of a show and I was looking for any excuse to take a holiday. Well, I managed to
get a holiday -- a permanent one. I went to work one day and overheard some co-workers,
complaining as they usually did, about how terrible the company was. Needless to say, I
lost it. I walked into my boss’s office and handed in my two-weeks’ notice. I
had no other job lined up and no other interviews; I hadn’t even thought about
quitting. In hindsight it may not have been the smartest thing, but I’m happy to
report it all worked out in the end.
Got into two car accidents in one day…while driving
Doug Schneider around Winnipeg: At the CBBF Canadian Fitness Championships in June, I
offered to run errands for promoters Kary and Uche Odiatu, and they asked me to pick up
Doug at the airport. I guess a combination of pre-contest anxiety and being tired from
dieting made my driving skills less than stellar. When I dropped Doug off at his hotel, I
forgot to shoulder-check and almost drove into an oncoming taxi cab. Lucky for me (and
Doug) the taxi driver was a lot sharper than I was and slammed on his brakes to avoid the
collision. A few hours later, we went out for supper and leaving the restaurant I backed
into a parked car. Again, luckily, there was no serious damage -- expect maybe to
Doug’s nerves!
Asked my priest how many calories are in Communion
Bread: Yes, I know, I will probably go to Hell for that -- but I really wanted
to know. I go to church every Sunday and usually go up for Communion. (For those not
familiar with Communion, it is a small piece of "bread" about the size of a
quarter that you eat as a representation of a religious giving.) About four weeks from a
show I wasn’t supposed to have any "cheats" and wasn’t sure if this
bread would interfere with my diet. So, after the church service was over I approached the
priest and asked him what the bread was made up of and if he knew its nutritional value.
He thought I was joking and never answered my question. I was actually quite serious and
am still curious, so if anyone knows please let me know!
Although I said this article wasn’t intended to be
serious, I am serious about having done and said these stupid things. As we all know,
training and dieting can be emotionally testing at the best of times. But instead of
letting the stupid things I have done during this time of "food deprivation" get
the better of me, I use them to my advantage (or at least to get a good laugh). I know I
am not alone in this either, so if you have any embarrassing, funny, or stupid pre-contest
stories to share, bring them on (simply e-mail me at editor@seriousaboutfitness.com). After
all, you never know when your unfortunate event might bring some much-needed humor into
the life of a fellow competitor.
...Denyse Johnson
denyse@seriousaboutfitness.com |
